Poem of he Week

Once more, with feeling, please! I've had enough
Of lubricated passion come and gone!
Years and years and years and years of stuff
Squirting, squirting, squirt – and then it's done!
With feeling, please! Companionship, affection,
Shared pain, shared joy, shared silences, shared thoughts.
Not ecstasy fast moving towards rejection,
Frantic with the fear of time and loss.
Slow down, life! Slow down, and be content
Just to be awhile, and let love grow
Or not, as seedlings by the wind are sent
To find their bit of fertile earth, or no.
Let there be no ecstasy until
The plant has been well tended by the will.

© by Nicholas Gordon

karla n me.

"I don't know what frightens me more, the power that crushes us, or our endless ability to endure it"
--Shantaram.
Reading Shantaram and regretting why I didn't read when I had it an year ago. Full of dialogues and superb quotes!! Am loving it.
Am off to Ajmer and Pushkar for a couple of days. I have been to these places last year as well. The visit marked the beginning of the trouble I am in for quite sometime. It took me out of the ignorance I was in and brought me into light.
Karla says "Truth is a bully that we all pretend to like" and the truth I came to know was actually a bully that I did pretend to like despite the fact that It made me sick and helpless. "Some of the worst wrongs, were caused by people who tried to change things" is pretty much true but in this case it did something very unusual. It made the situation better for a change.

Pushkar is one place I guess that will give me much needed peace of mind before I am in familiar and yet not so familiar place, the start of the next semester at IISER. A place where loyalties and commitments are deliquescent and volatile. I have been forced to live in the pretext of commitment and crushed in all possible ways. I hope wandering around in pushkar give me the strength to take revenge -- remain silent for 'Silence is the tortured mans revenge'.

Or maybe 'If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke' is true and I still haven't got the joke! May be I am not afraid of getting crushed by some power but of my 'near' - endless ability to endure it.

Second Best

They say – you never win a silver, you lose a gold. This is why they say second placers are not the happiest bunch of people.


Sometimes, I have worked hard to just fall short of my goals. I know how it feels to know that you were almost there but didn’t quite make it. Not bad, actually. In fact, it feels great to have a “silver medal” to show for the effort. But, then there are times when at core you know that you didn't even deserve a Bronze but won the gold. That is the feeling I rarely have experienced. That is depressing.

I don’t mind being ‘second best’ as long as I know I did what I could. I am not competing against others, only against myself.

Silence

Much talking is the cause of danger. Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune. The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage. Other birds, without speech, fly freely about.

Let Silence prevail!

Amen.

I am on the other side ...

It seems like a déjà vu. I am at the verge of another battle like I was a few years ago. I was a teenager then but now I am considered adult enough (in the eyes of law) to get married! I was a naive kid then and my problems were shallow. Now, I am an adult; my problems are deeper but I am more equipped to handle them. And, unlike many, I am loving growing older and the freedom coming with that.

Earlier my father used to escort me to my boarding school which was just few Km away from my home town but now, I have traveled over 100,000 Km in last 3 years, all alone! These last few years of life have given me an experience which I guess, many even don't have in a life time. I have been through ups of power, love, fame, success and company and relatives... somebody has rightly pointed out "Success is relative, more the success, more the relatives" and then I have seen nadirs of them. I have been through spells 'being purposefully ignored', deceit and dissimulation. I have earned a real bad name at times and lost on many occasions.I tried of redemption on all those occasions but succeeded once or twice.

Now, these three months (May-June-July) I have and am invested a lot of my resources on introspection and channelising my energy in the direction I wish, an attempt that has always been futile on earlier occasions. I wish to be a stone -- cold, very cold. A state in which neither a butterfly effect nor a hurricane could disturb me or even gain my attention. I don't want to be trapped by the 'pseudo' commitments that I might have made in some idealistic situation. I have got to learn burying the past and moving on, I have got to learn to be equally expressionless at the moments of joy and sorrow. Put in Rudyard's Kipling's words, I have got to learn 'walking with crowd and keeping my virtue, be someone whom neither loving friends nor foes can hurt, I need to be a Man'.

It is a tough task, but this exists because I am old enough to analyse the situation I am in and think of a possible solution.
I will have to do it. I need to win this battle.
I can do it.
I will do it. After all 'I am on the other side' !!

You know who I feel sorry for?

The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can find out what makes pig manure smell so bad. You know who I feel sorry for? The woman who applied for this job and got turned down.

Guru-kool

Now this is interesting.


I believe no girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a ''Master of Arts'' and a ''Doctor of Philosophy'' after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.

Highway to jail :)

Currently, I am working on financial modeling of stock market which might predict the future of the market movements and thus help evolve a efficient trading methodology for Intra-Day trading.

BUT this is New York State Code of Criminal Procedure's take on what I am doing

"Persons pretending to forecast the future shall be considered
disorderly under subdivision 3, section 901 of the criminal code
and liable to a fine of $250 and/or six months in prison."

Section 889, New York State Code of Criminal Procedure.
Silly Americans.

Kota

Written on June 19th.

Am in kota for another 5-6 days...
I am at my brother’s place where adjacent to his room, there are around 7 or 8 room which are typically occupied by IIT-JEE aspirants round the year. Presently almost all the rooms are vacant and once I happened to enter one of the deserted rooms next to ours. There I read many interesting stuff including poetic verses (better shayaris ), names of different girls encircled with a figure of heart in red ink (perhaps blood),inspiring life stories of great men who suffered and struggled before they succeeded, roll numbers of various exams, names of the students who had inhabited the room, class schedules of various coaching institutes in kota, periodic table, posters of dream girls (mostly Sania Mirza or some Hollywood hottie) trigonometric tables with conversions, sum and product formulae etc. Reminded me of my days when I was preparing for JEE. I recalled many correlated stories of my JEE times but this written on one of the walls is what amused me the most:
“Hum jise chahte hain woh chahti hain kisi aur ko,
Rab kare, woh jise chahti ho, woh chahe kisi aur ko”
i.e.
The girl whom I like, likes somebody else.
O’heaven conspire that the one whom she likes, likes someone else (and not her).

Ha Ha Ha.
Why this world is so unfair where even the beloved is to be competed for?
Ha Ha Ha.
Why the issue and spirit of healthy competition is dying a chocked death?
Why we are foraying deep into a materialistic world where even the relations and feelings are nothing more than entities which can be traded for a Diem?
?
?
?
All I can think of is a Bob Dylan Classic, “The answer my friend is blowing in the wind”!
The song is playing as I write this on my notebook. Wish I could funnel and filter the wind to get the answer.

Father's Day.

You are the lamp of our life;
the one who burns to keep us in light.


Taught us to differentiate;
what is wrong and what is right.



Papa, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown.

Happy Father's Day.

Summer's Heat

"Summer's heat can swelter and melt...
As summer's heat may simmer as weld.
Some summer's heat can burn as long...
This summer's heat can impel a song.
Summer's heat can cook and bake...
Summer's heat of life can take.
Boil and broil a heart so hot...
A summer's heat can break that romanceful knot.
This heat of summer can smoulder and rot."

-- Michael Gale

God knows what this summer has in store for me. I have tried my best to keep things, away from God's Control,... in my control. Ah, if only I could do that, people would have worshiped me as 'Almighy' and not him.

First things first. The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other. Thank you (God) for this pre-chirstmas (summer) gift. A great family get-together.

Secondly, am off to some alien place (actually Kota, Rajasthan) for a week where temperature shoots up to 45 degrees during day. Good for writing but not so good for postings. But, unfortunately I got to get my bu# kicked... बहुत काम है !!

Shyness & narcissism

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.

- - - Am I a narcissist?

- - Publicly NO.

- Secretly YES!!
:)

खामोशी

Of late I prefer to remain silent and aloof.
The reason?
Here it goes ...

खामोश हम इसलिए नहीं की हम बोलना नहीं जानते !
कहीं आपकी बोलती बंद न हो जाए इसलिए चुप चाप रहते हैं !!
ऐसा नहीं की जबाब नहीं हैं सवालों के हमारे पास !
कहीं आपकी बोलती बंद न हो जाए इसलिए चुप चाप रहते हैं !!

A Great Idea!

“Why do they always teach us that it's easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves? It's the hardest thing in the world--to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage. I mean, what we really want.”

-- Ayn Rand.

* Read parts of The Fountainhead again! Had liked the book when I read it first. Felt like the book can be the light to follow. Lately have realised that it was more than idealism. It was ... I don't have words!
Certainly wasn't what I expected it to be. I used to turn to the book when I was frustrated and depressed. But life is not an easy matter... You cannot live through it without falling into frustration and cynicism unless you have before you a great idea which raises you above personal misery, above weakness, above all kinds of perfidy and baseness.

Yes! 'the great idea' has clicked!

Winning moments!

Nadal says the prize is less prize with Federer crying!!

What a tournament! Perfection personified!!
Finally FedEx did that!!
The only grand slam that eluded him was the one he conquered today! Since last four years, Nadal was between Federer and the trophy.



When Federer broke into tears after his loss to Nadal in Australian Open this year , I knew he was going to get this one.



















There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love. Only brave can do that. And its not a die hard FedEx fan speaking!


Love's labor fructified!

Where's the party tonight !

Gearing up!!



We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.




Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good wine is barely enough.

Had a blast when we 'brothers', 'brother in law' and sister were at home on Saturday night!!

Drunkard's walk

Silence is the fountainhead of strength.
-- Me


Silence please.

Ideal match

I was asked by a friend of mine why my ideal match on orkut says "am self-sufficient". Well, even I had never thought about this column very seriously!! For now all I can say that the term "ideal match" is an idealism in itself! Nobody can be an ideal match forever for the simple reason that, "Change is the universal law of nature". People change/d or atleast I change/d! Indeed, I have changed a lot... my thoughts are no more what they used to be a couple of years ago. Actually, my present thoughts contradict the ones which I had few years ago!!
Also, I don't believe am made to love someone. It involves risks... risk of love not being reciprocated, risk of rejection, risk of loss of love, if it existed in the first place! And, am not bold enough to take that risk! Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings! So, Whenever I am betrayed, am rejected, a part of me dies, and I am no more the same. Am metamorphosed to someone with less faith, carrying the corpse of the dead 'me'!
Alas! I can't throw that away.

The second reason is that the beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. So, the best match for me is/can be is 'me' and that makes me self sufficient!

Finally, making a girl love you is so very easy because no one but Marilyn Monroe herself has said "...If you can make a girl laugh - you can make her do anything..."
I swear I am very good at making anyone laugh but then, so are many in this wide world! :P

Priorities

By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third, by experience, which is the most bitter. Wise are those who learn that the bottom line doesn't always have to be their top priority. Why most of us (me included) are so stupid that we don't understand this in time!!

We realize our dilemma goes deeper than shortage of time; it is basically a problem of priorities. We confess, We have left undone those things that ought to have done; and we have done those things which we ought not to have done. But then, its too late to undo and then redo the prioritisation.

TIME

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

-- Steve Jobs, (Does he need any intro??)

WEDDING VOWS

Poem of the Week
WEDDING VOWS

BRIDE: I vow to love you all my life,
In sickness and in health,
And share your journey through this world
In poverty or wealth.

I vow to give myself to you,
To trust you with my life,
To be your source of happiness
As lover and as wife.

GROOM: I vow to give you all my love,
To be your lasting friend,
To care for you and comfort you
Till time and toil end.

I vow to share your happiness
And sorrow, joy and tears,
And be for you the one true thing
That lasts through all your years.

BOTH: These vows we make not knowing what
Good times or ill may come,
But knowing well what good we want:
A joyful, loving home.

These vows we make of our free will
Before you all, that we
Might know the grace of love that comes
To those who loving be.

© by Nicholas Gordon

Indifference

“The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”

है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है
द्वारा -- हरिवंश राय बच्चन

कल्पना के हाथ से कमनीय जो मंदिर बना था
भावना के हाथ ने जिसमें वितानों को तना था

स्वप्न ने अपने करों से था जिसे रुचि से सँवारा
स्वर्ग के दुष्प्राप्य रंगों से, रसों से जो सना था
ढह गया वह तो जुटाकर ईंट, पत्थर, कंकड़ों को
एक अपनी शांति की कुटिया बनाना कब मना है
है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

बादलों के अश्रु से धोया गया नभ-नील नीलम
का बनाया था गया मधुपात्र मनमोहक, मनोरम
प्रथम ऊषा की किरण की लालिमा-सी लाल मदिरा
थी उसी में चमचमाती नव घनों में चंचला सम
वह अगर टूटा मिलाकर हाथ की दोनों हथेली
एक निर्मल स्रोत से तृष्णा बुझाना कब मना है
है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

क्या घड़ी थी, एक भी चिंता नहीं थी पास आई
कालिमा तो दूर, छाया भी पलक पर थी न छाई
आँख से मस्ती झपकती, बात से मस्ती टपकती
थी हँसी ऐसी जिसे सुन बादलों ने शर्म खाई
वह गई तो ले गई उल्लास के आधार, माना
पर अथिरता पर समय की मुसकराना कब मना है
है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

हाय, वे उन्माद के झोंके कि जिनमें राग जागा
वैभवों से फेर आँखें गान का वरदान माँगा
एक अंतर से ध्वनित हों दूसरे में जो निरंतर
भर दिया अंबर-अवनि को मत्तता के गीत गा-गा
अंत उनका हो गया तो मन बहलने के लिए ही
ले अधूरी पंक्ति कोई गुनगुनाना कब मना है
है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

हाय, वे साथी कि चुंबक लौह-से जो पास आए
पास क्या आए, हृदय के बीच ही गोया समाए
दिन कटे ऐसे कि कोई तार वीणा के मिलाकर
एक मीठा और प्यारा ज़िन्दगी का गीत गाए
वे गए तो सोचकर यह लौटने वाले नहीं वे
खोज मन का मीत कोई लौ लगाना कब मना है
है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

क्या हवाएँ थीं कि उजड़ा प्यार का वह आशियाना
कुछ न आया काम तेरा शोर करना, गुल मचाना
नाश की उन शक्तियों के साथ चलता ज़ोर किसका
किंतु ऐ निर्माण के प्रतिनिधि, तुझे होगा बताना
जो बसे हैं वे उजड़ते हैं प्रकृति के जड़ नियम से
पर किसी उजड़े हुए को फिर बसाना कब मना है
है अँधेरी रात पर दीवा जलाना कब मना है

To find the point where hypothesis and fact meet; the delicate equilibrium between dream and reality; the place where fantasy and earthly things are metamorphosed into a work of art; the hour when faith in the future becomes knowledge of the past; to lay down one's power for others in need; to shake off the old ordeal and get ready for the new; to question, knowing that never can the full answer be found; to accept uncertainties quietly, even our incomplete knowledge of God; this is what man's journey is about, I think.

शराब

वो लोग जो कहते हैं की
शराब बुरी चीज़ है
कोई जा के उनसे कह दे की
शराब दिलजलो के लिए शर्बते-रूह है
मैं इसलिए नहीं पीता की
मैं उसे भूल जाऊं
मैं तो पीता हूँ उसकी यादों को
भुलाने के लिए

महफिल सजी थी,
जाम का था दौर,
जाम मैं क्या था,
ये किसी ने ना किया था गौर,
जाम मैं लहू था मेरे अरमानो का,
और सब कह रहे थे
एक और एक और...

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

हँसी

होठों पर हँसी देख ली, अन्दर नहीं देखा !
यारों ने मेरे गम का समंदर नहीं देखा !!

Today is Dilip's birthday but he is the USA ... working...
Tried calling him but circuits were jam. He will return after an year. Have loads to discuss with him. Till then I have to be an infinite storage capacity HDD.

Happy Birthday Dilip.

finally finale

finally Chargers ruled the roost!
In a neck to neck competition, where team's fortune swung with every dot ball or a boundary hit, Chargers held their nerves to win the finals of IPL'09. From at bottom in '08 to champions in '09, its a spectacular journey for the chargers. Also attitude of royal challenger's especially Anil Kumble need a special mention. Such a sober, decent man he is!

presentations going on. See you guys later!!

In the end

A fine Bangalore win and the final of IPL'09 is between yesterday's underdogs-outperforming-everybody. The way the last two teams of IPL'08 have made their way to the top two slots in standings is no fluke. They actually deserved that. Chargers outclassing Daredevils and Royal Challengers beating last year's finalist CSK's ... it just shows everybody has the potential, all that is needed is the will to realise that. Thanks to Dravid's composed batting and a brilliant knock from the teenager, Manish Pandey.


Hope chargers lift the IPL trophy tomorrow!!

Found this interesting piece of K&H...



:)

Tujhse naaraaz nahi jindagi

Pretty nice. What a voice Lata ji has!

Also I got this poem as 'poem of the week':

Maybe grief needs ritual, as music
Embraces rules that turn sound into song.
Maybe if one trusts that one won't lose it,
One can turn away, though grief be strong.
Reserve, then, days for rituals of mourning
In which one may allow the flood of grief
Again to inundate the heart, restoring
Life to deserts thirsting for relief.
Dance depends on choreography
As pain declares its sovereign right to be,
Yet performs with grace restrained and brief.

© by Nicholas Gordon

What a day!!

I have two more days before my internship starts. So am surfing the net all the time. By the way was near getting my butt kicked. I bought 3000 shares if YES Bank @ whopping 4.75 lakhs. As soon as i bought, the stocks went down by some 6-7 points, and was having a total loss of around 18,000
(Thanks of profit booking done from ICICI Bank that I was not in the 20k's). The loss kept fluctuating between Rs. 8000 to Rs.15,000 and at one point of time out of panic my sister short sold (sold the stock which she didn't own in anticipation of markets crashing) some shares of IndiaBull real estate and bought shares of DLF which was rallying. Seemed like today was not our day, DLF went down further while IB shot up, thus adding to our worries!!
Anyway, I kept my cool when others suggested stop loss ( i.e.booking the minimum loss), and finally market turned upwards, thanks to aggressive opening of european markets. Then I was back in a profit range of Rs. 1,400 but this is where greed crept in and again market went downwards an I was back in loss of some 4000 rupees. Finally after much of hue and cry, I managed to book a decent profit, of which around 20% will go towards brokerage) but still a lucky day.

Today I found this nice pic on the net.

Well said, pretty inspiring!

Finally it turned out to be a nice ending to lucky day. My favorite team in IPL, The Deccan Chargers, who were last on the point's table in the last year's IPL secured a berth in the finals. They did beat the mighty Delhi Daredevils by 6 wickets in hand and 3 overs spare. Thanks to some blitzkrieg from my favorite 'Gilly' who scored the fastest IPL half century.

85 off 35 deliveries with 10 boundaries and 5 over-boundaries!

Nitin's Graduation ... :P

Finally we met at Macchar's place. Out of four present there, me, and Ashish are in our first (Undergraduate or integrated master's) degree course, macchar is yet to receive hi MBBS (eqiuvalant to US's MD... silly Americans). Nitin was the only with a MA degree. So we started pressurizing him to throw a party for us to mark his graduation. This was in the context that once while chatting on Gtalk, I asked Nitin for a party upon his post graduation. Nitin said, "Any Time... Dilli aa aur party le le. Venue tera, paisa mera." i.e. "anytime bro, come to delhi and have your party. Venue you decide, I will pay." So this was my time, mansher and ashish joined in. Finally, Nitin succumbed to pressure from all quarters. We were responsible for deciding for venue.... Sorry Nitin :P. Macchar a chicken-maniac suggested PBN i.e. Punjabi by Nature. We took macchar's Honda City and went for PBN, Rajouri garden!
here are the glimpses of where and what we had!!

Punjabi by Nature, Rajouri



onion laccha and papd


Getting started



Aalooo paratha


Murg punjabi.... boyz munch... :P

No dinner is complete without a drink ... so we had some pity on nitin and dicided to booze at macchar's place. But unfortunately, my sister asked me to return home for some urgent reason...
So three of them had...




"Smirnoff Green Apple Twist". Ouch... missed that... Unlucky me :(
Anyway...

Happy Graduation NANA!!
Though mansher paid the bills, on my guarantee that if Nitin doesn't return the debt, I will extort that!! :P
Chehra sab kuch bolta hai!! i.e. the face says it all!! ... am sure Nitin will pay back.

Not being you!

"You destroyed my life"

"You ruined my life"

No one knows how it feels when these lines are hurled towards someone until and unless the someone is you.
Experience this, am sure you will feel great, especially when the one who is accusing knows that the accusation is wrong.
Since I am talking about the feelings, it is pretty much obvious that I have gone through it! Initially I felt like, "what was that?". Felt like having an ugly fight with the person but I kept my cool... generally I don't!
What a feeling that was! I wish to have that again! :P
At times, it pays not being what you are! :)

WAQT NAHI

Har khushi hai logon ke Daman me,
Par ek hansi ke lie waqt nahi.
Din rat daudti duniya me,
Zindagi ke liye hi waqt nahi.

Maa ki lori ka ahsaas to hai,
Par maa ko maa kehne ka waqt nahi.
Sare rishton ko to hum maar chuke,
Unhe dafnane ka bhi waqt nahi.

Sare naam mobile me hain,
Par dosti ke liye waqt nahi.
Gairon ki kya baat kahen,
Jab apno ke liye hi waqt nahi.

Ankhon me hai neend badi,
Par sone ko waqt nahi.
Dil hai gamon se bhara hua,
Par rone ko bhi waqt nahi.

Paison ki daud me aise daude,
Ki thakne ko bhi waqt nahi.
Paraye ahsason ki kya Kadar karein,
Jab apne sapnon ke liye hi waqt nahi.

Tu hi bata E zindagi,
is zindagi ka kya hoga.
Ki har pal hansne walon ko,
khud hansne ko bhi waqt nahi.
Ki har pal hansne walon ko,
khud hansne ko bhi waqt nahi.

P.S. :Not my original creation. Got this as a mail forward.

the begining

Exams over and I have a long three month holiday ahead of me. Am in New-Delhi at my sister's place. These three months, am trying to stay away from all my acquaintances and am trying to sort of reinvent myself. Turn to blogging- this is how one of my friend did that. Hope this works out for me.

At times life's problems are so deep rooted that best we can do is to run away from them. That is what I am doing! Showing my back, looking for peace, isolation.


"Let all be happy,
Let all be free from aliments,
Let all be blessed with the vision of truth, beauty and goodness,
Let misery touch None"

Rig Veda