It seems like a déjà vu. I am at the verge of another battle like I was a few years ago. I was a teenager then but now I am considered adult enough (in the eyes of law) to get married! I was a naive kid then and my problems were shallow. Now, I am an adult; my problems are deeper but I am more equipped to handle them. And, unlike many, I am loving growing older and the freedom coming with that.
Earlier my father used to escort me to my boarding school which was just few Km away from my home town but now, I have traveled over 100,000 Km in last 3 years, all alone! These last few years of life have given me an experience which I guess, many even don't have in a life time. I have been through ups of power, love, fame, success and company and relatives... somebody has rightly pointed out "Success is relative, more the success, more the relatives" and then I have seen nadirs of them. I have been through spells 'being purposefully ignored', deceit and dissimulation. I have earned a real bad name at times and lost on many occasions.I tried of redemption on all those occasions but succeeded once or twice.
Now, these three months (May-June-July) I have and am invested a lot of my resources on introspection and channelising my energy in the direction I wish, an attempt that has always been futile on earlier occasions. I wish to be a stone -- cold, very cold. A state in which neither a butterfly effect nor a hurricane could disturb me or even gain my attention. I don't want to be trapped by the 'pseudo' commitments that I might have made in some idealistic situation. I have got to learn burying the past and moving on, I have got to learn to be equally expressionless at the moments of joy and sorrow. Put in Rudyard's Kipling's words, I have got to learn 'walking with crowd and keeping my virtue, be someone whom neither loving friends nor foes can hurt, I need to be a Man'.
It is a tough task, but this exists because I am old enough to analyse the situation I am in and think of a possible solution.
I will have to do it. I need to win this battle.
I can do it.
I will do it. After all 'I am on the other side' !!
I've Learned..... - Author Unknown
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I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be
someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how...
12 years ago
Seems like u r grown up in all respects....
ReplyDeletekeep it up n all d best for rest of ur journey!
When I was a little younger, problems were still there. But then problems never involved "people" in them. Some queer object,headaches of the daily errands were all that used to pain me back then. Then as age chipped in to distort my innocence, fresh faces were introduced in my non-comfort zone. Ironically, I have become passive to pressures of my work( read: studies). Employing the same innocent technique of yesteryear hardly helps.
ReplyDeleteYou have shown resilience and an ability to defy adversities on previous occasions. This time around, it shouldn't be that hard. It won't be, I know.
You want to be unruffled by friends and foe alike. That is the voice of Gita speaking.
jagg.. It ain't hard at all..
ReplyDeleteguess, I have achieved the goal that was set for this summer. 'I have become comfortably numb'.