the year in store!

ah.. its almost an year... last post was dated august 2009. My birthday is approaching fast ... actually on august 5th, it will be another year gone.

Today , while I was lying on the bed, in a futile attempt to sleep by 11 pm, i recalled all my childhood dreams of being a civil servant, a doctor, engineer, businessman .... and what not, before i realized that i wasn't made for any of them! Not because i can't achieve most of them... rather i don't find them worth any effort anymore!

for me atleast, the famous "college mein knowledge" funda doesn't seem to work ... When I think of this postgraduate degree which is about to be conferred upon me is, i feel having wasted my 7 precious years... chasing something that I never wanted to have... Its not that this degree won't be detrimental in me getting a nice job and making me financially independent... Indeed this degree is the only thing that will ensure this 'financial' freedom. May be this would not have left a sour taste if I were not at my present institute... may be a third rung private college would have treated me better! I wanted my university education to be like my vidyapith, a man making and character building education.... but this education has almost killed the man in me... and no point in commenting on character building! It is so unfortunate that we don't realize the worth of things when we get them for free! I feel so disgusted when I am at my 'prestigious' institute of 'national importance'!

I feel like a sheenless, stinky ass...i want to sleep for next couple of years before I find myself energised enough to make a fresh start... but can't even do that... dunno what next is in store for me! lets hope for the best! Hope I will land in LBS or HEC or any other top B school..... and fly out of this country to some alien land and remain anonymous for next couple of years and make some real reliable acquaintance, trustworthy friends and don't have some real blah relationships!! Hope i am at peace with myself!